And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth...

It's been such a crazy month. After an unfortunate turn of events in mid-august, I suddenly felt the urge to rid myself of worldly things. Coming back to Taylor and living in a house with 5 other Americans hasn't helped much unfortunately. I still have this urge but being in this place cannot figure out how to make it real.
This past month has been one of the hardest this year by far. But it's been such a good hard. I'm finally finding out what it's meaning to fall in love with God. This summer I thought I had life all figured out... we all know that's never true and that's one of the most dangerous lies we can believe. But in the past month, working through struggles I'd never expected would come up, I've recognized my frailty and the absolute beauty that God brings upon those he loves- no matter the circumstance. I have so much to learn and I don't think I have ever been more excited about life as I am right now. I've been praying for a heart like God's, that God would open up my eyes to the pains and sorrows of this world and that I would feel for people like he does. It's seriously unfathomable what he has done for me in this past month (and even in the past few years). I'm beginning to know what it's like to have an overwhelming compassion for people. But again... it's just the beginning, and I have a ton more to learn and experience. It's really awesome to be having these feelings of sorrow haha. I know that sounds weird, but it's amazing to be broken for people who deserve so much more than what they are getting. Even my dreams lately have been aimed towards the least and the hurts that they experience and has left me sobbing with passion to help. And more recently (like in the past week) I've been feeling this urge to live uncomfortably. For me, that means becoming independent, but fully dependent on God; forgoing my shyness and asking questions that mean something; forgoing my insecurities and being intentional about the relationships that are right in front of me, and those that are yet to come; treating each person as if they were Jesus themselves; not yeilding when I am afraid; striving for more of whatever God wants for me- whether or not it's safe. Wherever God wants me is where I want to be and I'm learning to be content with wherever he has placed me in the present moment.

I felt really small last night. I was at my parent's friends house eating dinner and noticed that the sunset was way too cool to stick around. So I ran home to catch the last 10 minutes of it. I asked God yesterday to fill me with awe. He chose a sunset to catch my attention. All I could keep thinking about was how HUGE the sky is in comparison to me. It's really good to feel small sometimes I think. It reminds me of how fragile life is, how small it is in comparison to everything that God has planned since the beginning. I don't feel too big for God or that my struggles are too big for Him. It's like they're all in this compact little box hidden away in the house of my life. Haha... maybe I'm getting too imaginitive with this... Anyway, I haven't felt so small in a long time, but it was really cool.

treasure hunt

This summer, I'm going on a treasure hunt.

God's created beauty everywhere and I don't look for it often, but I'm starting today.

alright, so it's obvious i'm not very good at keeping up... whatever.

so, if i can remember, i thought it was going to be really hard to be happy all day on a monday cause they're soooo long, but it turned out to be really easy. i underestimated myself quite largely. in fact, i didn't even have to try to be happy, it just came naturally... which seems to be the theme of most days. anyway, although i was happy all day, i did start to realize how sarcastic i am and how sometimes that might not be so awesome. so i stopped... for the most part... just to see if anything else changed in me along with it. i'm not really sure if anything did. maybe you can ask my friends and see if i seem nicer than a month ago.

"Love, which is the essence of God, is not for levity, but for the total worth of man."
-Emerson

somethin special

Tomorrow I have a challenge set forth before me. A journey I have never embarked on before. An endless horizon of goodness (I hope) that I have not yet seen. Tomorrow, I will be happy. All day. The moment I wake up, a smile will appear on my face and remain there until I sleep once again. And it will be real. I will be so joyful to start Monday. 

We'll see how this works. 

Also, I would like to note something I learned this lovely weekend-- certain grandmothers do actually like to kill pterodactyls with 357s (even though a 9 mil. would clearly be much more useful).

pink mohawks and burdens

The other day my dad called me. He said he wanted to give Sexy PoPo to my Grandma. I said no- it's not that I don't trust my Grandma with my precious Sex, but that I love to see her little wagging body every time I come home. Also, this summer I have plans to give her a pink mohawk again and teach her how to ride a bicycle.

Anyways, so that night I had a dream that my dad was trying to kill Sexy PoPo. He was drowning her in this trap door in our living room. So when he wasn't around, I ran in there and tried to pull her out. But every time I almost got her out and had a plan to escape, my dad would appear. So eventually, Sex told me that I just had to let it go. So I covered her drenched body up with the trap door and waited until my dad left again. I opened it up an hour later when he left, and she was gone. It was so sad.

I was thinking about this later though, and thought that maybe I had that dream because I was anxious about my dad giving her away (which could definitely be true). But I think maybe my dream had more to it than I thought. A theme in my life in the past two months has been "breaking barriers between me and God". Satan loves to make me feel like my burdens should be kept inside. And everytime I come close to letting it go, he comes back and tears me down again and fills me with fear and doubt. But God wants us to push him away and lay our burdens down in His hands. He wants us to let them go so that we can experience the Freedom that Christ has given us. We aren't slaves of our struggles if we give them to God.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30